Monday, April 2, 2012

I suppose I should get honest…and specific.

I started doing paleo March 15 2011. I know because I wrote it down. Sometimes I do helpful things like that. I was rigorous about what I was putting in my body for a month. After that I tried my hardest most of the time to avoid all grains but rice corn and quinoa (It acts like a grain. Get over it.) and those I ate sparingly. And avoid legumes including peanut butter. But I would eat wheat free soy sauce and not freak out if soy was a minor ingredient in something. And I guess somewhere in there I lied. I ate rice in various forms at least 3 times a week. But other than cross country travel when it was desperately difficult and over the holidays I managed to stay roughly paleo most of the time since then.

I stopped (and sometimes force myself away from) eating healthy on March 22 2012. I am now just over a week in. My body is angry and my cravings are for things like green beans and spinach salad and steak. I’ve eaten a bunch of my pre-paleo favorites and found them disappointing. The brain is a petulant child. If you don’t give in to the cravings it will throw a temper tantrum and all you can think of is pizza. Bring pizza up in a different context and the child is completely disinterested.

So what difference does a week make? It’s huge.

  • I didn’t weigh myself before I started this so I donno if I gained or lost weight. I honestly don’t care.
  • I am having trouble sleeping. (Part of that is ridiculous hours drinking caffeine.)
  • I have the mental capacity of a goldfish. (I went to make myself a mug of tea in the microwave. I put a teabag in the mug, loaded the dishwasher, started to make breakfast, decided I wanted to make tea, put a teabag in a mug and rediscovered the former setup waiting for me beside the already opened jug of water. I got distracted between opening the jug and pouring. Seriously?) This has become common. I find myself walking around the house lost and wondering what I was supposed to be doing.
  • I HURT everywhere. My muscles are sore like a mild flu. My joints ache- especially my knees. My eyes hurt?
  • I’m getting headaches pretty regularly. That hasn’t been a problem for months.
  • My skin is dry and cracking.
  • I’m getting weird ringing in my ears.
  • Despite eating all the time I am always hungry. I never feel satisfied and I never feel full even though my stomach hurts from ingesting too much food.
  • It is getting harder to discern exactly what I am craving. That unsatisfied feeling all the time leads to a generic food craving and since I don’t know what I am craving I don’t know how to fulfill it so I eat lots and lots of things hoping to get it right.
  • My insides are revolting. Both the verb and the adverb here. I am in GI pain probably 50% of the time.
  • I am having crazy blood sugar swings. High spikes and low drops and both leave me feeling weak and shaky.
  • Coupled with the blood sugar swings are mood swings. I get really cranky and mean at either end of the spectrum.
  • And in general my mood is lousy. I’m depressed. And if I am not depressed I am sad. Lots of “what good are you anyway” thoughts which are flat out LIES. This is particularly not cool and frightening. The food I eat is not allowed to be able to shift my thought patterns in to the realm of “everything is ruined forever”. Bad food! Sit! Stay!
  • I know that I honestly used to feel like this all the time and I THOUGHT IT WAS NORMAL. I thought it was the curse of my genetics and I just had to live with it and treat symptoms. I can’t believe I lived this way. I’m miserable and ready to start doing it right again.
  • At the end of the week I was ready to be done. Really really ready. Those are the things I remember. I am sure there are probably more. Even just eating a healthy grain-free breakfast made a huge difference.
  • I rang in this morning at 129 lbs but I don’t trust that scale at all. At least it is repeatable.

I will post later about what the LT and I did with ourselves today to prep (and eat). 

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